Siting on our dock at the lake one evening, I watched the reflection of lights from nearby cabins stretching out like long fingers casting a warm yellow glow on the glassy water. It was a dark, quiet night. The moon had not yet crept over the trees behind me. The Milky Way shimmered overhead, and the Big Dipper sat in its familiar position just beyond the hill to the north. In the silence I could hear echoes of my life and realized that here, at my lake, I am more truly myself than anywhere else.
I am the little girl with a frog in her hand, running up the hill shouting “Daddy, Daddy, do frogs bite?” I am the tomboy, wanting to do everything my brother does, upset because I’m not allowed in his tree house, and convincing the boy next door to help me nail a platform between two branches so I can have a tree house of my own.
I am the awkward teenager with a crush on the "boy du jour" … worried that I’m not filling out my bathing suit as much as some of the other girls. I am the romantic dreamer, imagining a “forever” kind of love.
I am the thinker and the seeker … sitting on this dock long after others have gone to bed, watching the constellations move across the night sky – in awe of the brilliance of those distant stars, in awe of the beauty of creation, in awe of the creator – searching for answers and the purpose of my life.
And after many summers, and many sunsets and moon rises, I am the young wife discovering the joyous expressions of love for the first time. I am wife / partner / mother of six – sharing our work, sharing our goals, charting a course for our family, watching our children grow and play and learn to swim on their own.
Then I was the widow, coming here where I could scream without being heard. I sat on that dock at night praying, questioning, seeking answers – and finding consolation in the darkness and the stars overhead. And I refused to drown in the muddy waters of grief.
And now I am a woman standing straight, knowing a second “forever” love, and welcoming the world for all that it is – the hardships and the struggles, but also the joys and the laughter.
So today, as I celebrate another birthday, I give thanks for all that I have experienced. For all the people who have helped me. For the many friends I have. And especially for my family – my husband, my 7 children and their spouses, and my 13 grandchildren!
And I give thanks that I can still sit on that dock – or by the ocean, or at my desk overlooking the golf course – and I can look at my where I am and who I am today. I can accept the still unanswered questions knowing that I will continue to seek and to learn. And I thank God for the gift of this day and for every day of my life!
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