The Real Meaning of "Compromise"

What do you think of when you here the word "Compromise"?

Most of the time, most of us think that to compromise means we most give up something -- give up part of what we want -- give up part of what we believe.

Actually, the word "Compromise" literally means "Combining!"  Not giving up!  Compromise means Adding!  Adding and accepting new ideas, new traditions, new ways of thinking, and combining them with our own!

We just finished watching the movie "Fools Rush In". ( a fun movie if you haven't seen it). Alex (Matthew Perry) a New York business man, falls in love with Isabel (Selma Hayek) a Mexican artist.  Two very different people with very different lives, very different families, very different faiths -- but they fell in love. and in the end they learn that by "combining" their lives, their faiths, their cultures, they gained so much more!

Of course that is idealist Hollywood, but wouldn't it be great if we could all understand the real meaning of compromise -- if we could "combine" some of the differences in the reality of our own lives with each other?

Watching the wedding the end of the movie, it reminded me of when Jim and I got married.  Our lives and cultures were not as drastically different, but there were substantial differences.  I grew up in a very traditional Catholic atmosphere and for my first wedding, to my late husband Pat, we did what was expected - and what we both wanted -a very traditional ceremony in the Catholic church where I grew up.

However Jim is a different person.  Jim grew up with a more "spiritual" sense of a creator without the "structure" of religion.  I knew that he was willing to get married wherever I wanted, but I also knew that his faith - his connection with God - came mainly form nature.  So we decided to get married outside, in front of a small chapel, on the banks of the Hudson River.

Our wedding was a "compromise" in the richest sense of the word! We included the values and faith and many of the traditions of the Catholic Church, (with a priest and minister presiding at the ceremony), and we added the wonders and experience of nature!   Our "compromise" was a beautiful combination of the best of both of us!

And now I think of the world today, the news we hear every night.  Our government - our two political parties - refusing to compromise.  Not only can't they compromise on important ideas, they can't seem to compromise on even the simplest issues.

"Ego" - that loud voice in your head that says your own way of thinking is the best - can be a source of pride and self confidence and is frequently the reason people run for office.  However big "Egos" are the enemy of compromise.

But wouldn't it be great if the huge Egos that run our government today could somehow understand that by "compromising" - combining their ideas and strategies and goals - they might actually get something done?  If only they could understand that compromise would not only make a better country, but would actually add a reason for their pride, and add substance to their personal Ego!

And wouldn't it be great if somehow we could all understand the real meaning of "compromise" and apply it in our own lives?

I know ... you're thinking I'm just a  "Pollyanna" - I'm a hopeless "idealist".
But really, I'm just seeing the glass half full and trying to fill it up.  And I can hope.  And I can pray.

And I can write!


  

How do you see your glass?

(note - I found these quotes in my notes from many years ago – long before I’d started this blog. I am as moved by them today as I was back then -- and decided they would be worth sharing with you.   Authors unknown.)

There are 3 kinds of people:  

First - the “glass-is-half-empty” person who is usually negative, often depressed, sometimes bitter – the kind of person we try to avoid.

Second - the “glass-is-half-full” person who is usually happy, positive, content – the kind of person we enjoy being with.

Then there are the few people who see that the glass is only half full and ask “why?” 

and “what can we do about it?” – the kind of person who gets busy finding ways to fill it up.

These are the people who change the world! 

So stop asking if the glass is half full or half empty.  Instead, ask  "What's in it?"  "How did it get there?"   "What can I do with it?"  -- and you'll dscover all the little ways you can change the world!

Good Mornings!

Sometimes I think mornings are the best part of the day – when the sun is at a gentle angle and all delights and disappointments and challenges and problems and opportunities that will come with the day, are softened by the morning mist.  

A Mocking Bird, perched somewhere on a rooftop, joyfully sings its repertoire of songs from other local birds, and a small Wren sits on its birdhouse loudly shouting its 2-note call over and over.  To me it always sounds like he is saying “Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!” 

Today we are at my son’s house on the Hudson River and I hear the waves splashing against the shore after a large freighter has made its way up the river to Albany’s harbor.  Across the river a commuter train heads down toward the city and sounds its loud whistle as it approaches the Rhinebeck station.

I put off getting up this morning – for just a little while.  I put off checking the news and the messages and emails — and just enjoyed the peace.  

Then it was time – so I rolled over, softly kissed my sleeping husband on the forehead, got out of bed and opened my computer – and these words came spilling out!  I hope they will be some inspiration for someone out there. And, like that little bird sitting on its birdhouse I say “Thank you, God, for another day!”  

Be Still ...

Waves crash with thunders roar

Washing sandy beaches clean, 

Before 

Receding back into the sea.

 “Be still and know that I am God!”

Streams tumble through rocky crevice

Over leaves of orange and rust.

Swirling 

Into ponds of clear blue water.

“Be still and know that I am God!”

Cold water laps the shore each morn

Till sun’s bright warmth draws it 

Spiraling

Like miniature tornadoes toward the sky

“Be still and know that I am God!”

From feathery hemlocks and gnarly oaks 

Birds of blue and yellow and black

Sing

And fly to greet the dawn

“Be still and know that I am God!”

City bustle. Voices shouting. Motors. Horns

That stab your ears and pierce your brain. 

Hurry.  

Schedules to meet. Places to go.

Still 

         "... know that I am God"

"Be Still and Know that I am God"  - Matthew 8: 23-27

"It's a Great Day For The Irish"

 ... and a great day to celebrate family roots, memories and traditions. 

In my mind I can still hear my father singing "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" and I say a prayer of Thanks for my Irish Heritage!  

Being Irish Catholic meant that we lived by the church calendar.  We began lent with ashes reminding us of the weaknesses of our temporal bodies and then observed strict fasting and sacrifice.   

However right there, in the middle of lent, came St. Patrick's Day!   

In New York, St. Patrick's Day was considered a special feast day.  School was closed and the rules of fasting and sacrifice were suspended as we celebrated the saint who brought the Catholic Faith to Ireland. 

St. Patrick's Day for me meant watching the parade in New York City and singing and dancing in the St. Patrick's Day festival at St. John's Church in my hometown of White Plains.  Now, living in Maryland, we make our own celebrations – sometimes a party or sing-a-long, but today just a nice dinner and good conversation with friends.  

As I looked around at all the shamrocks and green scarves, bow ties and beads I thought about what being Irish really means to me?  Some have called the Irish a sanguine, happy-go-lucky people and others say we are a melancholy race.  And in a way they are both right.  

But what did I inherit from my Irish roots?   The answer is simple.  Faith!  Faith in God and Faith in Family!

If you want to really understand the Irish, just go to an Irish wake.  Family and friends celebrate with toasts and laughter and stories about the deceased. We celebrate the joy in our own lives, and theirs, because of Faith.  Because we believe, without doubt, that one day we will all be united with family and God in Heaven.  

We truly believe the words from “Danny Boy” 

“… and I shall sleep in peace until you come to me!”

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!!

(The following is edited from a 17^thcentury nun’s prayer.  I thought it was worth sharing.)

Lord thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday actually be old.  With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but thou knowest, Lord, that I want to still have a few friends at the end, so I send you this prayer.

Release me, Lord, from my craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs.  

Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.  Keep me free from the recital of endless details.  Give me wings to get to the point.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody.  Seal my lips on my aches and pains but give me the patience to endure the tales of other’s pains.  

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.  I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.

I don’t want to be a Saint – they can be so hard to live with – but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.  So I ask Lord that you give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places – and talents in unexpected people.  And give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen

We Will Miss Him

Our pastor died last night.  Father Paul Campbell.  

I didn't know him well.  Not personally.   But I go to Mass frequently during the week -- and of course on Sundays -- and I came to look forward to, and really appreciate his homilies.  

On weekdays they were short -- never more than 3 minutes -- but always straight forward with a clear, specific message to carry through the day.   

On Sundays he became the dramatic story teller, engaging the entire congregation.  He would pull out a particular phrase from the days gospel or prayers -- often some remote passage -- and he would frown or maybe laugh, sometimes mimic or exaggerate -- whatever it took to draw us in.   And then he would explain the doctrine, the meaning, the logic and common sense of those words and impress on us how that phrase, written so long ago, is not only relevant but vitally important in our lives today.

He made us think.  He encouraged us to question.  He met the challenges and criticism of the church today with honest admission of our shortcomings and failings -- and with prayer, hope and encouragement for the church.   And he always insisted that the church be "inclusive" -- that Christ's message and love is for every single person!

These are just a few of the things I will remember from his teaching.  These are the reasons I was so grateful that he came to our parish. 

This morning a small group gathered in the chapel for our regular Monday morning Mass -- a young priest from the local seminary was at the alter -- and in our hearts many of us were questioning "Why?"  Why would God let this man who was spreading God's message so effectively be taken away?  Why would this man who had so much to share and the ability to teach and influence so many in such positive ways, be struck down so suddenly?  

Maybe Father Paul himself gave the answer -- just a few weeks ago in one of his weekday homilies he said  "When you don't understand why something happens, remember the Lord's Prayer -- 'Thy Will Be Done'. "   

Too simple an answer?  Perhaps.  But I think that phrase holds much more truth than simple acceptance.  I'll have more thoughts to share about that in my next blog.    

Meanwhile, we pray for the repose of the soul of Father Paul Campbell, and ask God to comfort his family and friends.